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Wild swans
staring from june 1966 there was no schooling. No school meant no control. But what could we do with our freedom? There were virtually no books, no music, no films, no theatre, no museums, no teahouses, almost no way of keeping oneself occupied - except cards.
Naturally "Red Guardship" became many youngsters' full-time occupation. The only way they could release their energy and frustration were in violet denunciations.
One day one of my friends told us that her parents, both actors, had committed suicide, unable to stand the denunciations. Not long after, news came that the brother of another girl had killed himself. Someone had denounced him for trying to organise an anti-Mao party. He threw himself out of a third-floor window when the police came to arrest him.
Tragedies like this were part of our everyday life.
To occupy myself I began writing poetry. The first poem was written on my sixteenth birthday, 25th March 1968. There was no birthday celebration. Both my parent were in detection. That night, as I lay in bed listening to the gunshots and the loudspeakers blaring out, I reached a turning point. I had always been told that I was living in a paradise on earth. Now I asked myself: If this is paradise, what then is hell?
It was in this mood that I composed my poem. I described my bewilderment at the new world, at not knowing what and how to think.
I wrote the poem down. I was lying in bed, going over it in my head, when I heard banging on the door. From the sound I knew it was a house raid. When the pounding on the door began, I quickly ean to the toilet and locked the door while my grandmother answered. My hands were trembling but I managed to tear the poem into tiny pieces, throw them into the bowl and flush the toilet. I searched the floor carefully to make sure no pieces had fallen out. But the paper did not disappear the first time. I had to wait and flush again. By now the Red Guard were banging on the door of the toilet. They were ordering me to come out immediatelt. I did not answer.
Wild swans
staring from june 1966 there was no schooling. No school meant no control. But what could we do with our freedom? There were virtually no books, no music, no films, no theatre, no museums, no teahouses, almost no way of keeping oneself occupied - except cards.
Naturally "Red Guardship" became many youngsters' full-time occupation. The only way they could release their energy and frustration were in violet denunciations.
One day one of my friends told us that her parents, both actors, had committed suicide, unable to stand the denunciations. Not long after, news came that the brother of another girl had killed himself. Someone had denounced him for trying to organise an anti-Mao party. He threw himself out of a third-floor window when the police came to arrest him.
Tragedies like this were part of our everyday life.
To occupy myself I began writing poetry. The first poem was written on my sixteenth birthday, 25th March 1968. There was no birthday celebration. Both my parent were in detection. That night, as I lay in bed listening to the gunshots and the loudspeakers blaring out, I reached a turning point. I had always been told that I was living in a paradise on earth. Now I asked myself: If this is paradise, what then is hell?
It was in this mood that I composed my poem. I described my bewilderment at the new world, at not knowing what and how to think.
I wrote the poem down. I was lying in bed, going over it in my head, when I heard banging on the door. From the sound I knew it was a house raid. When the pounding on the door began, I quickly ean to the toilet and locked the door while my grandmother answered. My hands were trembling but I managed to tear the poem into tiny pieces, throw them into the bowl and flush the toilet. I searched the floor carefully to make sure no pieces had fallen out. But the paper did not disappear the first time. I had to wait and flush again. By now the Red Guard were banging on the door of the toilet. They were ordering me to come out immediatelt. I did not answer.
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